Funny story, I forgot my login again, and I grew tired of that so I decided to just not log in anymore. Today however I got in on my second try.
A lot has happened, and I'm sorry for leaving you guys since I've always felt a lot of support from you. And that is just the reason I came back. I've been making a lot of new photography work and among them a lot of selfportraits. Last tear photo was pretty dramatic and strong as if the subject would be tormented but could and would fight through whatever obstacles would be thrown in front of her. I joked about it that it was that dramatic because of my light breaking(which did rip me apart but hey whadayagonnado.) and what not. I already knew I was depressed but could laugh it off.
Today I share an image(check in gallery) that still expresses me, but shares an image in which I express the next stage in a winter depression. It's more like I'm hanging on now, tormented, but with no idea what to do, not sure of my place in this world or purpose in life and the colors of what I love to do fade into a haze of things that seem rather futile. And on top of that it's cold.
It's been a hectic two weeks, and a rough slide down a cold metal slide.
I want to be open about this, because you always comment, and show you're there with a like, even if it's just a quick scroll-by. Also because I want to let the people know that I randomly stopped responding to in chats or people I'm working on projects with that I did not mean to forget about them, but it's very hard for me to remember things right now. I'm sorry.
I feel like a failure and super useless. My boyfriend had a dream tonight about me leaving because he's working so much. It breaks my heart, because He's the reason in the first place that I can do the studio thing at all, and now he feels worthless aswell. He's afraid I'll leave him even though He's about the only steady factor in my life at all, even though him working a lot takes some of my energy indeed. I don't want to come off as a huge whiner, but I had to get this off my chest and I can't seem to talk about it with anyone. I guess talking to people you can't see is just easier.